Saturday, May 31, 2008

Brokeback/Brokedown Bus




I used to make fun of the people who were stuck on broken down busses.
Then it happened to me.
Three times.
The most recent was yesterday... I was shopping (shocker) and ran to catch the 144 right in front of Louis Vuitton and I JUST made it... it was so weird because it was 6:45pm and I thought the bus would be crowded but there were just two other people on there. Two old ladies (not related).

Well, once the bus got under the overpass to get onto LSD, wouldn't you know it but it just stopped. The large African American female bus driver seemed to be giving an out loud prayer to Jesus. The two old ladies got off the bus because a 147 came by.... and they could take that one, but I couldn't, so it was just me and Miss Celie from the Color Purple.

Well wouldn't you know it but Jesus answered her prayers much faster than Run Hueberman's posse and we were off. Yes, it was just me and the bus driver.. I felt very "driving miss daisy" and she drove me straight home....

Here's a pic of her, and of the empty bus.

She was very sweet and I told her I owed her a large martini. She said she'd take me up on that...

She's Got the Golden Touch


OK, well not so much the golden touch.
Really just tacky gold nailpolish and a tacky golden leopard handbag.
And the polo pony on her hat is also gold.

I'm sure she's listening to Spandau Ballet's "GOLD" or ABC's "Shoot that Golden Arrow through my heart" on her 1982 Sony Walkman.
Perhaps "Fields of Gold" by Sting?
"Gold Digger" by Kanye West?
"Heart of Gold" by Neil Young???
BAND OF GOLD BY American Idol's Kimberly Locke? (previously recorded by Belinda Carlyle, previously recorded by some girl band in the 60s)


WHAT ELSE!????????

Friday, May 30, 2008

LEFT HANDED A$$HOLE FREAKSHOW


Yes, I will make fun of you for being left handed because you CROWDED in front of me, you Drakkar Noir smelling, pleated pants wearing freakshow.

He also stared at his crackberry laughing to himself. Not a cute laugh. More like a "I chopped up your grandma with a hacksaw" laugh.

I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.....

This guy's wife should be nervous...


because he sure read EVERY WORD of the SEX AND THE CITY articles in Red Eye... and the Oprah article... totally skipped the sports page.

That wedding band is looking more like a ball and chain by the second...

When bad suits (and shoes and bags) happen to cute people


HELP!
MY TOPSIDERS ARE EATING AWAY AT ANY REMAINING GOOD TASTE I HAVE HAD...

HOT A$$ ALERT



OK, so kind of a butter face, but I imagine that this kid is probably part of the Russian gymnastics team (at least in MY fantasy).

Let's just say it's one of those asses that you could set a drink on.

I was speechless (but clearly ok enough to take a few stealth pics)

This blog is quickly turning into a combination Perez Hilton for the CTA meets Fleshbot.

Just like Jamie Lynn Spears


This annoying clam will likely be knocked up by age 14.
Too bad she doesn't have the luxury of Zoey 101 residuals to pay for her trailer park wedding and Mexican divorce.

HEY EVERYONE!! IT'S TELEVISON'S CRYSTAL BERNARD FROM THE HIT SHOW "WINGS"!!!

and guess what?
She's another non stop chatty kathy.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

You're hot. So you're excused of this sin.


OK, you can't really tell in this picture, but this guy totally wore a CONCERT TSHIRT underneath his dress shirt.

OK, ok, the fact of the matter is that he was smokin hot, so he could wear a bologna tube top and thigh-high jellies and he'd still pass muster with me (sort of) but yeah.. I get it.. you work for "THE MAN" but you are still cool and you went to Lollapalooza last summer.

All that's missing is the tribal arm band tattoo that I can ALSO see through your shirt. Way to go, sparky.

Double Chin Thursdays



Double your pleasure.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Annoying Suburban Girl 2.0


now with:
- greasy hair
- old fleece jacket
- dirty keds
- cheap jewelry
- no knowledge of how to ride the CTA (i.e. falling over every time the brown line made a turn)

Enjoy me!

What do you think they smell like?

my guess is patchouli + dirty armpit + stale soup

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Jealous?


Everyone in the breakroom at CompuWorld is gonna be TOTALLY jealous of my shiny new Cubs jacket.

Today's Checklist

Make Donation to NPR
Cultivate locally gathered herbs from my garden
Pottery class - 6:30 pm (need to bike over to reduce carbon footprint)
Collect rainwater for bath
trade herbs for new totebag at commune

What am I missing??? Hmmmm...........





(hint -- it starts with Garnier and ends with Nutrisse hair dye. You've missed it for about 7 years now. I'd even settle for a Alberto VO5 Hot Oil tretment. Your hair is killing me lady!)

Sunday, May 25, 2008

fun with my fone

video

Thank Ganesh for the Internet...


because when I am on www.hotindiansingles.com, I am known as "BollywoodStud773"

Single Hindu Male, 34, seeks Single Hindu Female for romance and more.
Must love frogs, week wacking, horseshooes, collecting lint, three ring binders, 18th century Aztec pottery, and glue.
Please be height and weight proportionate.

Uzbekistan's Next Top Model.


They didn't have a lot of choices.

TYRA MAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am SO not talking to you!


Fine!
Sit there!
I'm getting off at Diversey!
Don't follow me!
I'm taking my oversized cardigan and leaving you.
I know you're thinking about sports when we make love!

TRAGEDY ON THE 145!!!!!!!!!


No the tragegy is not that this woman is dead. It's that her hairdresser is clearly blind.
I'm guessing that all that perm solution and hair dye seeped into her brain and she simply expired while en route to Lohman's.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

FATASS


Hi.
Hi there.
I am the fat girl who budged in front of you at the sheridan red line station...

I am very busy reading "Eat Pray Love".

So far, all I've been able to master is the "EAT" part...

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

HOW MUCH DO WE LOVE


a cheap handbag that tries so hard to look expensive?

Another Random Hottie on the BROWN LINE

Trying so hard to NOT be gay


maybe if I wear my baseball hat backwards, grow facial hair, and read the sports section of RED EYE in public, then people won't think I"m gay.

Hey, where's my Prada messenger bag?

Oh MAN


I was SO drunk after the Cubs game.. I don't remember a THING.
Especially not getting drunk and wrestling around in our jockey shorts while feeding each other Jello...

Nope.. it's all a blank... totally blacked out...